Becoming Sweet Girls Read online

  A cup of coffee landed on the table in front of her and she looked up to see Allan looking down, an expression of concern on his face.

  “Everything okay?” he asked, and she nodded a bit too quickly, reaching out to take the warm mug.

  “Yeah. I should be good to go with the name change tomorrow.”

  “Cool.”

  He was still staring at her expectantly, and Riley sighed. Allan had known her too long, both as Russ and as Riley—long enough for him to have a second sense for when she was telling the truth and when something was bothering her. She raised her eyebrows back at him as she sipped the drink he’d made her, daring him to be the first to say something about it.

  Thank goodness she still had Allan. She’d been worried that her change into a girl would be too uncomfortable for him. She could understand if he hadn’t wanted to live with her anymore; it would hurt, sure, but that was his right to make that choice. But when she’d asked him about it, half-fearing he’d nod and kick her to the curb, he’d instead looked at her like she was crazy for even suggesting it. The weirdness from the night at the club had dissipated just as quickly as it arrived, and they were back to being good friends who hung out together all the time. If her gaze lingered on him a little too long, that was fine. Riley pretended not to notice when he threw sideways glances at her while they were watching movies on the couch.

  “I made you coffee. Talk,” he said. She stuck her tongue out at him.

  “I knew the coffee was a trap,” Riley muttered, pushing the cup away as if it had burned her. “Can’t you make me coffee without trying to manipulate me with it?”

  “No,” Allan answered, ready for her response.

  “Fucker.” There was no bite behind the insult. They both knew that she appreciated the gesture, even if she didn’t say it.

  “How’s Josh?” her roommate asked, and Riley cursed every single deity she could think of. Of course he could hone in on exactly what was troubling her—she’d made a mistake by not mentioning Josh in the past few days. He was sure to have noticed that she’d abruptly stopped bringing him over in the dead of night for a quick fuck.

  “He’s great,” she lied, voice sounding shaky even to her own ears. Allan stared at her with a doubtful expression, and she busied herself with organizing the papers on the table so she wouldn’t have to look at him. Part of the reason she’d thrown herself so fully into getting her name changed and legal documents updated was so she wouldn’t have much time to think about the people who weren’t calling her back. Now she was facing the end of that brief reprieve, thanks to some increasingly liberal transgender legislation in the state, and she’d have to figure out something else with which to occupy the time she’d otherwise spent brooding.

  “You’re full of shit.” he said, so matter-of-factly that it pulled a giggle from her before she could stop herself.

  “Yeah,” Riley eventually admitted, brushing her hair away from her face. It was starting to get long, and Krystal had yet to teach her how to put it up in complicated-looking knots to keep it out of her eyes.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “No one’s calling me back.”

  That sounded too pathetic, and she quickly back-tracked, not wanting Allan to think of her like that.

  “I mean! I mean. They’re calling me back? But not for like… Anything but a fuck?”

  “I thought that was what you wanted.”

  She bit down on her lip and sighed hard. It was. It absolutely had been what she’d had in mind when this whole thing started. Girls with high sex drives were in high demand, and she’d had the time of her life every single time she went out looking for someone to spend the night with. It was easy to find partners, and it was even easier to have a great time with them; she’d banged men, women, and every gender in-between during the past few weeks.

  “It was? I thought it was.”

  Riley risked a glance up at Allan, and saw that he was watching her with the same concern he always had for her lately.

  She’d really lucked out with having him as a friend. He was careful and kind, and worried just the right amount to show that he cared. He’d been her friend since high school; she had a difficult time imagining her life without her best friend by her side. Hell, she had a difficult time imagining this transition without him by her side. Krystal was a great source of information and loved to have fun, but Allan was solid, considerate, and reliable. For the past few years, every time Riley had needed someone, he had been there beside her with no questions asked.

  “I’ve been thinking about my break-ups from when I was Russ as if it was the sex that drove them all away. But what if it wasn’t? What if they just told me that so they didn’t hurt my feelings?”

  All three of the girls she’d dated sprang into her head unbidden, their figures far away and taunting.

  “What if it’s me? What if I’m the problem?”

  Something wet rolled down her cheek, and with a start Riley realized she’d started crying. Reaching up to furiously scrub the tears away had no effect as they continued to pool in the corners of her eyes and fall down her cheeks, stingingly hot against her flushed cheeks. She looked away from her friend and grabbed the coffee cup instead, chugging the hot contents without caring if the drink burned her mouth. The pain was good—it helped her focus on something other than the fear that she’d never be able to find someone to share her life with.

  Her only warning before Allan pulled her into his arms was a slight stutter of movement as he reached out for her. It was as if he’d wanted to comfort her but was unsure if she’d let him. Riley stiffened in surprise against his chest, surrounded by the familiar smell of his cologne and very much confused about what she was supposed to do. Russ had had very few occasions to comfort people when they were crying, and he’d always taken the role of the person giving the comfort. As a man, he’d very much unconsciously subscribed to the idea that his pain was better kept inside—better to just complain about wanting sex than admit to the fear that he was an unlovable person.

  But she was Riley now. Years of socialization didn’t just go away, but she definitely felt she could be a little bit more vulnerable now. There somehow seemed to be a special permission her mind had given her to be more open, now. Plus, this was Allan. Her best friend. Everything would be alright as long as it was Allan who was holding her while she cried.

  They hung there in limbo for a few moments before her roommate’s hand moved into her hair, gently stroking through the silky strands as though he was petting a scared animal.

  It was exactly the kind of gentle, sweet motion that she’d been craving for the past few weeks. With a sob, the rigidity of her body disappeared and she melted into the warm embrace. He felt strong against her in a way that she’d never noticed before; sure, he was someone she could count on, but Riley had never stopped to appreciate just how wonderful it felt to be wrapped up in his arms. It made her feel safe—as though all the stress of the past few weeks, all the fears she had about her future and herself, all the panic and worry, couldn’t get at her here. With the taste of strong coffee filling her mouth and the warmth of her friend wrapped around her, Riley felt safe for a few long, precious moments. The feeling was foreign to her, and it was like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders that she hadn’t even known was there.

  Allan didn’t say anything as she suddenly dissolved into a mess of tears, hiding her face in the grey shirt he wore. There was only so much she could think about at once, and everything that had happened in the past few weeks was vying for her attention, shouting and jostling in her brain until she had a splitting headache. Riley loved being a girl—she didn’t want to go back in the slightest. But it was a sudden shift to make, with no prior thoughts about it or warning, and she was overwhelmed by the world around her. Instead of panicking, she simply tried to focus on the rise and fall of Allan’s chest.

  Her breathing eventually slowed to a crawl, unconsciously matching the slow petting of her hair
. Tears that had flowed hot and fast when she first began to cry now only slipped free every once in a while, dripping down her face and soaking into Allan’s shirt. Somehow she was sharing a chair with him now, half-seated on his lap and curled into the littlest bundle she could make. She wondered when that had happened, somewhere in the back of her mind—Riley didn’t remember changing her seating position. Allan held her close to his chest, and she became acutely aware of how small she was now. Little enough that her best friend had moved her without her realizing it.

  “You’re a good person.”

  Allan’s words rumbled into her ear, and she felt every syllable as the low, reassuring tone vibrated through his chest and into her. Almost immediately she welled up with tears again, but Riley did her best to stop them before she starting crying all over him again. She’d made enough of a mess for one day. Her gaze focused across the room, on a picture of Russ, Krystal, and Allan that they’d taken the day the boys moved into this house together.

  “You’re just saying that,” she mumbled under her breath, and he was quick to respond.

  “I’m not. You’re a good person. You’re funny and sweet and you care about your friends. You’re the life of the party.”

  God, she needed him to stop. Riley couldn’t handle all these nice things being said about her—it was difficult to reconcile them with her fear that she was just, at her core, meant to be alone. It was confusing, and he needed to stop talking, and—

  Oh.

  She’d raised her head to his, meaning to knock his chin with the top of her skull, but Allan had leaned down at the same time so he could whisper compliments in her ears. Their lips met clumsily as they moved, and they both pulled away almost instantaneously in surprise, registering the accidental kiss they’d shared. His eyes were wide with surprise, and she could only imagine that hers were too.

  Words built in her throat, but she had no idea what they might be. Her brain certainly couldn’t come up with anything to say—it was stuck on how warm his mouth had been against hers, and how soft and secure it felt to be kissing him.

  Before she found her voice again, Allan dipped his head back down and captured her lips once more. This kiss too was gentle and sweet. It spoke of a long wait: of weeks and years of repressed desire, of feelings that had waited to come to the surface ever since they’d become friends. Riley realized with a start that they were her own feelings, feelings she was projecting into the kiss desperately. As though he’d been able to read her mind and know how sorry she was for ever considering or even looking at anyone other than him.

  He’d always been there for her—first as Russ and now as Riley. There’d been countless nights they’d stayed up talking to each other about their dreams and hopes for the future. She could read Allan better than anyone else on the planet, and he always knew what to say to make her laugh.

  She’d been an idiot to look anywhere else for the love and connection she so desperately craved. It had been right next to her for the last few years.

  Allan seemed to agree. The hand that had been petting her was now tangled up in her soft brown hair, holding her face close to his so that he could deepen and intensify the kiss. Riley was at the mercy of his desire, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. They were both hungry for something that had waited years to come to fruition, and now that it was finally here neither one of them wanted to stop.

  His teeth nipped at her lower lip and she whined into the kiss, that old familiar heat flaring up at the flash of pain. She wanted him more than she’d ever wanted anyone else.

  Shifting, Riley moved in his lap until she was straddling his hips, one leg on either side of him. His free hand drifted to her hip to pull her closer, pressing her tight against his chest so she couldn’t even think of moving away from his kiss, not that she wanted to.

  They only stopped when they were both gasping for air, breaking apart reluctantly to watch one another’s faces. It was Allan who spoke first, in between huge, heaving breaths.

  “Are you sure about this?” he asked, a note of hesitance in his voice that was new to her. Riley nodded, not quite trusting her own words.

  They went back to kissing for a little while, and every movement of his mouth against hers drove her problems further and further out of her mind. His hands were both on her waist now, and they dropped even lower to cup her ass. Allan’s nails dug into the soft flesh there and she automatically shied away from them, ending up grinding down on his crotch. He was definitely half-hard, and his own hips rose to meet hers until they were frantically rutting against each other on the kitchen table, clothes both restraining and providing wonderful friction.

  “Bed,” she eventually gasped, when she could no longer take the teasing. He nodded in agreement, and she went to climb off his lap but was stopped by the iron of his arms holding her in place. With one swift movement Allan stood, supporting her ass to keep her aloft. Riley squeaked and wrapped her arms around his neck in fear, feeling him laugh against her as he slowly started up the stairs and towards his bedroom.

  In retaliation, she bit down on his neck, finding the soft, tender portion unprotected by his collarbone. Allan’s laugh turned into a groan, and it was her turn to giggle at him.

  His bedroom was closer than hers, and he nudged the door open with his ass before walking over to plop her down on the bed. Riley was unceremoniously dumped on the sheets, but she didn’t mind, scrambling to pull her shirt up and over her head. Allan was a little out of breath from the climb and he took a few moments to watch her undress, clothes flying off to reveal her body to him. She cupped her breasts together to enhance her already generous cleavage, winking enticingly at him in a way she’d learned could drive men crazy.

  Her roommate-turned-lover pounced on the opportunity quickly. Soon he was licking and sucking at her breasts, mouth pressed against one nipple and an eager hand working the other over. Hot breath ghosted over her skin and made her feel warmer than she had before; Riley was soaked between her legs, a glistening mess that only got worse the more he lavished her tits with affection. She bucked against him, trying to urge his mouth lower, but he reached out to pin her hips to the bed. His mouth smiled against her soft flesh at the whine she made, but his grip didn’t soften in the slightest in response to her complaint.

  “Slow…” he chastised her, and bent his head back to her breasts. Allan licked the stripe of skin between them and blew on it, and the contrasting sensation of hot and cold made for a delicious, wonderful mixture. She wanted him so badly she could hardly stand it.

  Finally he decided to stop teasing her.

  Settling himself down on her hips carefully so that she still couldn’t wiggle free and pick up the pace, he lifted his shirt over his head to reveal the expanse of his muscular chest. It was a sight she’d seen many times before, but never had it looked so utterly tempting as when it was slowly revealed, inch by inch. He reached out for one of her hands and placed it on his stomach, the taut muscles underneath moving as he panted.

  Slowly he guided her hand lower, into the waistband on his jeans. Riley felt the elastic of his underwear and dipped a finger below it, ghosting her touch over the very base of his cock. Allan shuddered and made a gasping noise, encouraging her to move lower. She wiggled underneath him slightly so that she could get a better angle, desperately wanting to hear him gasp again. Hearing the usually calm, cool, and collected Allan gasping was something that Riley didn’t think she’d ever be able to get enough of.

  His pants were already riding low on his hips, and they worked together to shimmy them off and free his cock. It stood at attention, and Riley wasted no time in wrapping her hand around it, pumping him slowly, using his own precum as lube. He shook in her grasp and fell forward, catching himself on his elbows so he wouldn’t crush her beneath his weight. Laughing, she reached up to press on his chest and encouraged him to roll over onto his back.

  After a moment, he obliged her, face flushed and red. She mimicked his actions from earlier, l
icking a stripe down his belly before ending her journey at his dick. Teasingly slow, she mouthed around its base, letting him feel her breath without getting any real sensation. Allan groaned in displeasure, bucking his hips, and it was her turn to push down on them. Riley wasn’t as strong as he was and so couldn’t really pin him down, but he seemed to get the hint well enough. He stopped moving and she went back to what she’d been doing, finally taking pity on him.

  He was hard and pulsing as she took him into her mouth. Salty precum coated her tongue as she bobbed her head, pulling as much of him as she could inside before hollowing her cheeks and sucking hard. The first real moan of the night erupted from his chest, and she repeated the motion, hoping to draw another from him. Allan was having a difficult time keeping as still as she wanted him to be, and every time Riley swallowed around him his hips jerked off the bed to meet her mouth.

  Her fingers drifted to her neglected pussy and she dipped them in her own wetness, stroking lazily between her lips as she worked his cock. Every time her thumb brushed over her clit, Riley hummed in pleasure—she was sure she could get off just like this, fingering herself as she sucked Allan’s cock better than she’d sucked any cock in her life.

  But rather than sit around and wait for her to cum, she was surprised by Allan reaching down to grab her shoulders and drag her off his dick. Suddenly she was falling sideways, hitting the mattress with a thump as he quickly reversed their positions. His frame loomed over her, huge and intimidating, but he was careful not to press down with his full weight. Instead only their hips connected, his length lying teasingly between her wet folds, just enough to leave her wanting more.

  And she did. Her entire body ached to be filled with cock, longed for him to stop playing with her and finally slide home inside. Riley wrapped her arms around his shoulders and tried to urge him on by bucking her hips, causing the tip of him to brush against her clit and make her gasp. His teeth her nipping at her neck, hard enough to leave marks and she was torn between moving her hips and lying still to let him bruise her.