Beach Blonde Read online

  “I am Chris!” he insisted.

  Andre snorted. “Funny. No, you’re not. I’m pretty sure I’d recognize one of my best friends, and you’re definitely not him.”

  “I am!”

  “Right, yeah. I know Chris, and he does not have tits and an ass that look like that,” Andre said, making a sweeping hand gesture. “By the way, this isn’t a topless beach, so you might want to cover up before you get in trouble.”

  Stunned, Chris glanced down at his body for the first time since he’d washed up on the beach. Except it wasn’t his body that he was looking at. What he’d thought was seaweed was actually long golden hair flowing down his delicate shoulders over the large, soft breasts that had replaced his well-muscled pecs. His toned stomach flipped as he realized that whatever was between his legs—and he had a pretty good idea of what he’d find there—it wasn’t his cock anymore.

  He let out a shrill squeak and covered his breasts with his hands, relieved to find that his lower half was still covered… even if the baggy shorts were clinging to the swell of his hips and thighs precariously, looking ready to fall off his slim body if he breathed wrong. Needing a top had never been a problem he’d ever had to deal with until right this moment.

  The sprite really did it. She took my manhood… and turned me into a woman!

  “What the hell is happening?” Now that he’d seen his new body, Chris recognized why his voice had sounded so strange. It was so soft and feminine, even with the panic in it. “This can’t be happening. This must be some weird, fucked up dream! You two have to help me.”

  “Okay, sure,” Paul agreed warily. “Is there someone here you know that we could take you to? Maybe you hit your head or something when you were underwater.”

  Chris snatched the towel off Paul’s shoulder and wrapped it around himself, trying to maintain whatever dignity he had left. He was painfully aware of the eyes on him. He was probably making a scene, and the other people on the beach were getting a good look. He pulled the towel tighter around his body. “I didn’t hit my head, you idiot. I almost died! I was drowning, and this sea sprite came and offered me a deal…”

  “Sea sprite,” Andre repeated. “Is that some weird term for a bodyguard that all the chicks are saying?”

  Chris shook his head. “No, it was some kind of sea creature. I don’t know, I just want to go home. You both need to help me fix this.”

  Paul gave him a dubious look. Of course they’d think he was crazy, though. The whole story was so crazy that Chris wouldn’t have believed if it weren’t happening to him.

  “It’s me,” Chris insisted. “I’m Chris. We’ve been friends since high school.”

  “Prove it.”

  “You both had your first kiss with the same girl at a party during senior year,” Chris said. “Paul, you really enjoy yoga, but you don’t like people to know that because you’re afraid it’ll make you look less manly. Andre, you actually enjoy watching chick flicks like The Notebook.”

  Andre’s eyes widened into saucers. “Holy shit.”

  “Chris, what the hell, man?” Paul demanded, taking several steps back like he was worried he’d catch whatever Chris had and grow his own tits if he got too close. “How can this be possible? Are you kidding me?”

  Chris strode forward and grabbed a fistful of Paul’s shirt, pushing right up into his face. He had to get up on his toes to do it, which was infuriating on top of the humiliation he already had to face. “I’m not kidding, dude. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but you guys need to get me out of here. Like now.”

  Paul just stared at him open-mouthed.

  “Okay, okay. Let’s head back to the hotel and figure this out,” Andre offered. “Uh… this is super weird, but if you say you’re Chris, I believe you. Right, Paul? Right, Paul?”

  Paul slowly nodded, but it was obvious he was still having trouble accepting that the hot woman standing in front of him was his best friend. “Sure. Uh, yeah. Let’s go.”

  Chris hunched his shoulders and followed in his friends’ wake as they turned to go. Both of them kept glancing back at him, and it was making him feel incredibly self-conscious. The last thing Chris wanted to do right now was to attract any more unwanted attention to himself.

  As quickly as possible, they gathered up their gear and started the longest walk of Chris’ life back to the hotel. It wasn’t only Andre and Paul giving him sidelong glances as they trekked up the beach. In spite of his best efforts to make himself look inconspicuous, Chris realized he was attracting a lot of attention… specifically from men. Some of them stared openly at him with an invitation in their eyes that made him squirm. He’d never experienced this before, and he wasn’t sure he liked it.

  Once they’d gotten back to their room, he quickly pulled on a shirt over the towel. He really didn’t want to give his friends another chance to slide their eyes over the curves of his unfamiliar body after all the men on the beach had gotten their fill. At least Paul and Andre seemed a little more respectful, looking him in the face even after he dropped the towel and the shirt fit tight around his breasts and loose everywhere else.

  Andre dropped onto the mattress and tucked his legs underneath him. “Okay, so start from the beginning. What happened out there?”

  “I don’t know, man.” Chris raked his hands through his long, beach-messy hair. The guys had already nearly dried off, but Chris’ fingers came away dripping after he fought through some knots that yanked painfully. “I followed that chick Lenaya into the water, and we were having a good time when she suddenly bailed on me. Then this freak wave came out of nowhere.”

  “Are you sure it was a wave?” Paul asked. He leaned against the wall, drew his arms across his chest, and crossed his ankles. “Those are pretty clear waters.”

  “I’m sure,” Chris snapped. “Anyway, next thing I know, I’m drowning. I’m kicking and fighting, trying to get back to the surface, but it was like my entire body wouldn’t cooperate. Like my whole body locked up with muscle cramps or some shit like that. I don’t know.”

  Andre leaned forward. “You said something about a sea… spirit?”

  “Yeah, a sea sprite. At least, that’s what she called herself.” Chris paced for a while before he came to a stop in front of the balcony, leaning his head against the cool glass. “She came out of nowhere. I mean, this thing that looked like a woman with webbed fingers way down deep in the water. I don’t even know what the hell she was.”

  “And she made you a woman?”

  Chris twisted to face them. “She said she would save me if I let her take my manhood.”

  Paul snickered until Chris shot him a furious glance. He cut himself off with a cough. “Look, it’s cool, man. We’ll just see if we can find her and get her to give you your manhood back.”

  “And if she won’t?”

  “Then you’ll be our wingwoman,” Andre announced. “No big deal.”

  “No big deal?” Chris repeated, his voice rising towards the end. “I’ve got tits and no cock. I have no idea how to be a woman, dude! It is a very big deal. I can’t spend my life living like this!”

  “I don’t know, man. You’re hot,” Paul said.

  “Don’t you dare,” Chris warned, “Or I’ll shove my foot so far up your—”

  “Hey, hey,” Andre interrupted. “He didn’t mean anything by it. Calm down, bro, we’ll figure this out like we always do.” Then, he shrugged and gave Chris a half-smile. “And uh… it’s not like he’s wrong, Chris. You are a pretty hot chick, like it or not.

  Chapter 2

  The Aftermath

  Chris cleared his throat and glanced around. Most of the other beachgoers were on the other side of the beach, drinking their fruity drinks and lounging underneath their umbrellas near the hotel. Meanwhile, he was standing on the quieter side of the beach with the jagged rocks. It was the only place where no one was likely to overhear him try this.

  On their way back out to the beach, they’d stopped to get him a
better swimsuit for his new body at the hotel's shop, which had been awful. He’d been thanking every lucky star that Andre and Paul had a better eye for cup sizes than Chris had ever imagined so he could find a bikini top that fit his new curves without having to ask a salesgirl to help him. He probably would have preferred the drowning to that mortifying conversation. Chris definitely wasn’t used to wearing it yet and felt extremely naked despite being shirtless without a second thought before meeting that damn sea creature, but at least it seemed to draw less attention than he’d gotten before. There were dozens of hot girls on the beach; he could at least blend in now.

  Paul and Andre stood a few feet away from him, watching him with no small amount of curiosity.

  “Oh, sea sprite,” Chris called out toward the ocean in his new soft, feminine voice. “Um, it’s me, Christopher Cooper. I think we need to talk about what happened earlier.”

  Silence. He felt very, very silly. But they hadn’t known what else to try.

  Chris coughed and then spoke again. “Look, I don’t want to be a woman, okay? I don’t know what I agreed to, but… I mean, come on, I was drowning. I would have agreed to anything if it meant I didn’t die. You can’t hold me to that.”

  “And verbal agreements are non-binding,” Paul added.

  Chris shot him a look. “You’re not helping.”

  “They totally are, anyway,” Andre mumbled.

  “Dude, you’re wearing a bikini and talking to the water. I can’t be making it any worse,” Paul said, traces of laughter in his voice. “Can I take a picture of you?”

  “No,” Chris replied through gritted teeth.

  “How about a picture with all three of us?” Andre suggested.

  Chris picked up a long-forgotten beach toy and threw it in their general direction, watching in dismay as it bounced and stopped several feet short. He still hadn’t quite gotten used to his new body yet. The muscles, the balance… it was all off. He felt like a stranger in his own skin, but the alternative was even worse. He didn't want a chance to get used to it. “I meant to do that.”

  Paul smirked. “Of course you did.”

  “Hey, guys. Where have you been hiding?” a voice called out, startling Chris. “I’ve been looking for you all morning.”

  Shit, shit, shit. Not him. Not Jack. Anyone but him.

  Chris squeezed his eyes shut and prayed to whatever god was listening to open up a hole and swallow him right where he stood. Of all the people he didn’t want to face right now, Jack was right at the top of that list. The two of them had worked side-by-side for years, developing an odd dynamic; while he was, on occasion, a decent friend, most of the time they engaged in a heated rivalry.

  This vacation had been no exception. In the few days they’d been there, Jack Hayes had already been with a steady parade of women, all with tiny waists and supple bodies worthy of gracing the cover of any men’s magazine. Chris was insanely jealous of the guy’s game.

  If he found out who Chris really was, he’d never hear the end of it.

  “What are you guys doing? And who’s the chick?”

  “I’m Christina,” Chris offered quickly, shooting a warning glance at his friends. “And I was doing this yoga meditation thing. These guys I met were nice enough to help me out.”

  Jack raised an eyebrow. No doubt he didn’t think Paul and Andre were that prone to altruism. “It’s nice to meet you, Christina. Has anybody seen Chris? I thought I saw him earlier and have been meaning to speak to him.”

  “He had a family emergency,” Chris blurted out, immediately wishing he’d kept his calm. “I guess. We were all there. Uh… he said he had a great time but had to go right away. Too bad, really. I, uh, I liked him a lot.”

  Jack’s eyebrow raised again. “Really?”

  Chris met his friends’ eyes over Jack’s shoulder, trying desperately to think of a better cover story. Neither was forthcoming, so it was all down to Chris. “Yeah, he did. He seemed like a really nice guy.”

  “Yeah, he’s a good guy,” Jack agreed. “So, how do you know Chris? How did you meet these two?”

  “There was an incident at the beach. She lost her top and we helped her out,” Andre replied with a smirk. “It was all very gentlemanly of us.”

  “Yeah, they felt so bad they agreed to buy me dinner tonight.” Chris shot them both a scathing look. “They were even kind enough to help me find some clothes because my luggage got sent somewhere else. Chris said that my day’s been going so shitty already that it couldn’t hurt for these two to help me out.”

  “Chris didn’t say that,” Paul protested, wincing when Andre elbowed him in the side.

  “Excuse me for one second.” Chris smiled up at Jack before he marched over to his friends. He dragged them both by their arms a few yards away and addressed them in a pleading tone. “Guys, please do me a solid here. Jack cannot find out who I really am. I mean, you know my situation with him. If you help me with this, I’ll be your wingwoman for the next day.”

  Andre’s face lit up. “So, you’ll talk us up to the ladies? As a lady?”

  Chris sighed. “Yes.”

  “And befriend other chicks?”

  Chris pressed his fingers to his temples. “It won’t be easy making friends that quickly, but yeah, sure. Just don’t tell Jack anything, or he’ll never let me live it down. You know he’s been waiting for any chance he can get to swoop in and steal my position in the firm.”

  Paul looked over his shoulder. “So, how are you even going to pass yourself off as a woman? You know, to the people who don’t know it’s you.”

  “There’s gotta be someone around here who makes fake IDs. With all the barely legal college kids who come here, someone has to know someone. We’ll just pay them a visit. As for the rest… I don’t know. How hard can it really be to be a woman?”

  “It sounds like you have it all figured out. What about the sea sprite, though? How are we gonna change you back into a guy?”

  Chris twisted his head to look out at the sea, vast and endless, and felt his stomach dip in response. “I don’t think the sea sprite is coming back, man. Until I figure out another way out of this, I think I’m stuck as Christina… and this has to stay between us.”

  Paul looked away, and Andre shifted from one foot to the other. “There’s no way anyone’s going to believe you’re a woman. I mean, look at how you’re standing.”

  “Wanna bet? Because I could just show everyone the video of you two dancing in tutus and makeup at Paul’s sister’s wedding,” said Chris. Still, he adjusted how he stood, bringing his feet in a little closer and finding his balance.

  Paul’s mouth fell open. “We were drunk, and Jack dared us. Besides, you said you wouldn’t show it to anyone.”

  “Desperate times,” Chris said, putting his hands on his hips. “Now, do we have a deal?”

  “Fine, but we’re not, like, buying you tampons or whatever,” Andre said, his dark eyes full of mischief. “You’re on your own there. And if you end up getting lucky with a guy…”

  “Ugh, you guys are such pigs,” Chris said, giving Andre a light shove. “I’m not doing that. I’m still Chris, so there’s no way in hell I’m kissing a guy or whatever.”

  Paul shrugged. “Are you still sure you don’t want to tell Jack, though?”

  “Positive. From now on, I’m Chris or Christina,” Chris decided, pushing his feminine chest out resolutely.

  A man passed by and whistled at him, grabbing his crotch suggestively, making color rise to Chris’s cheeks. He turned away, only to come face-to-face with Jack, who looked away as if he’d been caught with his hands in the cookie jar.

  Are all men really such pervs with women?

  Of course they are. You should know because you’d do exactly the same thing in his position.

  The knowledge of what they must be thinking about him brought even more heat to his cheeks. After all, if the lusty look Jack had been giving him was any indication, he was in for an interesting vacation.
And it didn’t help that the thin bikini bottom was riding up his backside and clinging to his crotch, or that his top kept slipping.

  Chris felt exposed in the worst possible way. He had never been so vulnerable. Honestly, it was by far the most embarrassing experience of his life, and the first day wasn’t even over yet.

  He shook his head, annoyed at how his pretty blonde hair swung around his shoulders. “Let’s just ditch Jack for now and head back. Coming out here really was a dumb idea.” He glanced back at Jack, faked a smile, and waved. “Nice to meet you, pal! But the boys are taking me back to have some lunch, okay?”

  “Uh… sure. Nice to meet you too!” Jack waved goodbye with an amused expression on his face.

  Chris could feel Jack’s eyes on his swaying hips as he dragged Paul and Andre back toward the hotel. They ordered room service to spare Chris from any more uncomfortable public encounters. Their meal was filled with nothing but awkward silence and the sound of cutlery ringing in his ears. Chris felt annoyed at this whole situation. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to buy clothes? Apply makeup? He hadn’t even had a chance to give his new body a solid appraisal in the mirror yet. Especially not with Paul and Andre hovering nearby and watching his every move.

  He appreciated their concern and curiosity, but being a girl wasn’t exactly their area of expertise any more than it was his. If he was going to pass unnoticed as a woman and not draw undue attention to himself, he was going to need some help.

  Female help.

  They made it all the way back to the beach before Chris settled on what to do.“I’m going to go to the ladies’ room. I’ll be right back.”

  With that, Chris made his way to the resort’s restrooms to get away from his friends and wait it out. He braced against the counter and slowed his breathing.

  “What are you doing? You can’t do this,” Chris muttered. He turned on the faucet and splashed some cold water on his face. When he looked up, he met an unfamiliar pair of gray eyes in the mirror. So even that had changed.

  At least you’re hot. That’s gotta count for something, right?